2022 Reflections

Grateful, Thankful, Appreciative.

I am not sure that there are any other words that I could use that would describe this past year in a deeply meaningful way. Maybe the word "profound."

I experienced a tremendous amount of growth in several areas of my life in 2022. Professionally I was stretched, what I thought, was beyond my limits. But, by the grace and tremendous kindness of God, I learned that I was capable of accomplishing incredibly difficult tasks. I was able to do more that I thought I could do. I had to step out in faith many times. Each time I thought I would fail, I ended up succeeding. Every time I felt a deep fear of failure, I was overcome by a peace that surpasses all understanding. God kept showing up time and time again.

Personally I endured some deeply painful losses. The deaths of loved-ones and relationships that failed are just a couple of losses that felt crippling at times. I am a relational person by nature and to have a friendship end through a physical death or an "emotional death" is distressing for me. What I learned through these experiences is how much I value relationships that are transparent, supportive, honest, and communicative. Without these things, relationships can easily become complicated and messy. While painful, I am grateful for the lessons learned. I know who I want in my circle of support. I learned how to be a better friend, wife, mother, daughter, and sister.

Emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually I could see the fruits of the intense labor that I put into these areas of my life in 2021. Trauma therapy, spiritual direction, and EQ coaching allowed me to sort through the "trunk of ghosts" that I have been dragging behind me for most of my life and in my career in the fire service. I have experienced my fair share of family issues, complicated work situations, compassion fatigue, and traumatic stress. As both a first responder and fire chaplain that has studied mental health issues within the first responder world, I thought I was in the clear and had handled my "wounds" pretty well. It turns out that being an expert in trauma and death has left me a little bit more bruised and battered than I thought. Through Divine intervention and a bit of happenstance, I ended up doing a lot of work on myself in 2021 which allowed me the ability to work in some very traumatic situations in 2022 without being scarred. I am thankful for the people in my life that walked beside me over the past couple of years and supported me through this work.

It was a tremendous year of being stretched and watching myself grow and become a better version of me. I am grateful and thankful for both the great experiences and the terrible ones. I pray that they give me the insight I need to continue to grow in all areas of my life.